serious Moonlight

Starring : Meg Ryan, Timothy Hutton, Kristen Bell, and Justin Long

Love is stranger when it comes to this film.

Divorce is trying to happen when Timothy Hutton no longer wants to be married to Meg Ryan and her busy schedule. But! She will have nothing to do with this Divorce, or let him leave with his new 20 year old love interest. So what does she do?

Duct tapes him to a toilet!

Nothing really new happened in this movie in the way of a lover's battle other than an over abundance of Duct Tape.

All i can say is i know Red Green would be proud of this film. Duct Tape might just fix something else Red.

rating : B

Centurion

Starring : Michael Fassbender, Olga Kurylenko , Dave Legeno

First off, if you love blood, guts, and war carnage, this is your movie.

We're set in 2nd century Britain during the Roman Empire. Northern Britain is the only area which has not been conquered by the Romans. The only problem is, they have to destroy the picts ( a gruesome group of people accustomed to guerilla warfare).

Quintas (your main character's) second in command in his post that is destroyed. He is the lone survivor and actually escapes the Picts. Meanwhile back in Roman controlled Britain, the ninth is about to set on their journey to destroy the Picts.

Quintas meets up with them and they head back in.

With all that said the turning point in the movie is the obviously going to be the big ending of the movie, but you can't downplay a good film for something that you would expect to hope for.

Rating = A

Cartoon Noir

Weird cartoons by various artists

I had heard of this before, but i had never really known what to expect.

This is one of those bizarre collections of short films, strange adaptations, and stop motion. Some of it was amazing while the other things were obvious art films.

If you love cartoons done in strange old school forms. You'll love this. If you aren't into animation you won't want to watch this at all. But, if you are one of those people that like odd art films, you will totally by up for this.

Rating = B

Valhalla Rising

Starring : Mads Mikkelsen

Valhalla rising is a film in it's own. It's pretty much silent other than a few conversations surrounding One eye (Mads Mikkelsen).

He is a viking supposedly brought up from Hell that is used in barbaric fights for money. He is a slave to a group of men and a young boy that are traveling at random to no where.

Eventually he breaks free of this group of men by slaughtering them mercilessly. The boy follows One Eye because he has no one else to move on with.

They end up meeting up with a group of christians that are looking for the new world. They make sale across the ocean that is blanketed by fog, and the group ends up in a new world plagued with invisible foes.

If you enjoy some gruesome murder scenes this is a movie for you.

rating = A

Zardoz

Starring : Sean Connery

I don't really know how to start or finish this review.

This is one of those 70's gems that just doesn't make much sense at all but is amazing.

Zardoz is a god that Sean kills and is sent on a whirl wind adventure all because he read Wizard of Oz and found out that his god was a liar. . . I think.

Sean is a super man that can over power everyone in this strange world that he's found himself in. Which honestly isn't much more strange then the world he was in before that.

I don't really know how to explain the randomness of this film but I enjoyed it.

rating = A-

Logan's Run

starring : Michael York and Jenny Agutter

In the 23rd century the world has changed completely. Everyone lives in a futuristic community that only lives until around the age of 30. At this age you are sent to a stage style play where you are sent to either die or be reborn/move on to the next world.

Michael York, plays a police man style role, that has to catch the 'Runners' (people that don't want to end up going to 'reformation'.) These runners are shot on site. But, there is supposed to be an outpost somewhere on the grounds that helps these runners.

Michael York is told by the computers to find this area of freedom by turning him into a runner. He is not to tell anyone of his mission, not even his best friend. Who becomes his hunter.

The movie escapes the community and Michael escapes the grounds to find the real world.

Rating = B

Ronin

starring Robert De'Niro, Jean Reno, Sean Bean, and Natascha McElhone

Ronin starts out with a job for professionals in a bar/cafe. A group of men meet Natascha Mcelhone to find out what big job they are in store for.

Jean Reno's character quickly becomes friends with the overly questioning Robert DeNiro very quickly. Robert asks so many questions that you can tell that you can tell that something is up, or he is the only guy there that wants to get the job done without getting killed. It is sometimes quite annoying, but it also opens up a lot of wounds for the other characters in the movie.

Sean Bean becomes the first big confrontation with his junky scottish character that seems like he knows what he is doing but at the same time seems to be just what he is. A Junky.

Then the usual movie cliche' happens, the big Double Cross and the movie is spun around fighting against themselves to get the prize. A case with something to the unknown in it. (not that Robert won't ask a billion times as to what is in the case.)

They figure out who they are working for and continue the mission without fail.

My problem with this film is that after about forty five minutes you aren't sure if they are still going to get paid for the job or if they are just that pissed off about getting screwed that they are going to finish it anyway.

It is a great action film if you are into the car chase scenes that never seem to end, but over all it is a good film to add to your library.

rating = B-

Outland

starring Sean Connery and Peter Boyle

We are put on the moon Io where a mining farm is located. Sean Connery is your protagonist future police officer that is getting moved to this plant as the new commander. He is there for a one year tour after the previous Commander has left.

Peter Boyle is the president/boss of this operation doing some not so legal things on his plant.

The point of this movie and the reason for Sean to be there, is some people are starting to die for strange reasons. Some are freaking out at random and killing themselves while workers are going bonkers and offing other workers.

So the story begins. It's the usual story line. Somebody is doing something they shouldn't and the new guy is going to break him of it. Nothing new in that line. Kinda boring.

Well, not kinda boring, this whole movie was boring. It moves slow. You know what's going to happen in the movie in the first twenty minutes. The rest is just waiting until you get to see it happen. There are no twists and turns that aren't expected and you sit there wondering why Sean Connery is even in this film. Peter Boyle? I can see him in anything really, so him being in this film is not surprising at all.

rating = D

SHE

starring : Sandhal Bergman (from red sonja and Conan the barbarian)

This has got to be one of the strangest movies of randomness I have ever seen.

The movie starts out with your main 3 characters heading into a barter town with their goods. There are plenty of things on sale from the late 70's and early 80's, such as cereal and other trinkets. I get that it's supposed to be like a fallout of the future but i don't understand why people are wearing medievil clothing. I mean if they still have boxes of Corn Flakes they should still have regular clothes.. but whatever. THEN! attack is placed instantly by characters that look like they are straight out of a TROMA film.

They steal the main dude's sister and he's off on a journey with his clumsy but action styled buddy to save her.

First they end up in Sandhal Bergman's kingdom of blonde babes in warrior costumes. A lot of things happen that don't make much sense. They kidnap Sandhal for some reason and are instantly captured by 'mutants'. A star wars scene happens and they escape the mutants with help of the babes from Sandhal's squad. She lets the main characters go even though they kidnapped her. But instead of letting them go she decides to follow them with one of her babes.

The two main characters end up in a hippie community that turns into a werewolf farm... i think. Then they escape again to find themselves in another strange mess.

This same scenario happens again and again until they find the TROMA nazi's from earlier.

I don't really know what else to tell you. I'm just as confused.

If you want to watch a movie that makes little sense with some bizarre crap going on. This is a film for you.

Rating = a confused C-